When I first read this piece, I immediately felt a sense of awe. I appreciate the narrator’s honesty in depicting his life and his loved one. I love the way he portrays beauty in the small things, and I wanted to delve deeper into his world. “When You Are Old And I Am Gray” was a Flash Fiction Contest Winner in 2016 which shows an intimate observation of the small events that make every day special. Relationships are never easy nor perfect, but in the small, almost mundane, events of the day, you can find meaning and perhaps, bliss. This is such a simple yet powerful message, and I was eager to share it with Indonesian readers.
My translation approach began by reading the piece as many times as needed until I truly understood the context of each sentence. I broke down the piece into four smaller chunks and worked on one sentence at a time. I wanted to capture the weight and purpose of each sentence and how it connects to the sentence before and after. With every sentence, I tried to visualize the narrator in the context in which he skillfully describes the flower in the vase, the prescription bottles, and his partner’s movements. I wanted to see the environment as he would. As I immersed myself in the depicted scenes, I could see where the bottles would be placed, what the kitchen would look like, the sounds and scents that the narrator would experience. I could see the scenes as if they were portrayed in an English movie. Visualizing the scenes was pleasantly easy as the original piece was extremely well-written. The description of each moment nicely captures the physical environment, the actions, and the senses.
The translation process comes with a few challenges. Indonesian does not share many resemblances with English. It does not have temporal aspects which means tenses are marked with time phrases such as “kemarin” (yesterday) or “besok” (tomorrow). Indonesian is also divided into written/formal and spoken/informal. Formal Indonesian is typically used for literary and poetic pieces. Instead of conjugation, formal verbs and nouns are made by adding prefixes and suffixes. For example, the word “senang” (happy) can be morphed into “kesenangan” (happiness) by adding the prefix “ke” and the suffix “an” It also involves affixation that sometimes requires the assimilation of sound to a base word. For example, “senang” (happy) can become “menyenangkan” (pleasant) by adding the prefix men- (requires sound assimilation) and the suffix “kan”. In this case, words and sentences can become longer than the original, so I find it necessary to keep the translation concise. Examples of formal words I chose are "aku" (meaning: I) and "kau" (meaning: you). Although there are other formal words for this meaning, these particular forms are typically used in a poetic context. Using such formality in translating this piece was necessary as it allows more structured sentences, paragraphs, and sounds.
At times, it was also challenging to find the exact equivalent words in Indonesian. I found that both languages have various alternative words with similar meanings yet different nuances. In this case, I would refer to a dictionary and thesaurus, so I could capture the essence of the original sentence yet still sound poetic. For example, in the title, I chose the word “renta” (meaning: frail or fragile) to describe “gray”. Gray can loosely be translated into “abu-abu”. However, this word merely connotes the color of aged people in Indonesian. Yet, the original word indexes the state of being old. For this reason, “renta” might be a better choice since it also adds rhyme to the word "tua" (meaning: old). Changing parts of speech (e.g., from noun to verb) and sentence structure was sometimes needed. Each time a part is completed, I re-read the translation and made minor revisions to improve the flow. However, what truly helped me finalize the word choice and sentence structure was feedback from the reviewers: Iqbal Azhar and Dina Mardiana. Seeing how other readers see the piece in their unique way was eye-opening. I revised several parts based on their constructive criticism and refined the translation altogether by doing so. In this case, I saw the value of having different sets of eyes to improve the translation.
One challenge I experienced was a sense of self-doubt. Does my translation do justice to the original piece? Is my translation good enough? It has been said that translation is a never ending, almost impossible, task, but with vigilance and openness to feedback, it is definitely possible to have a version that speaks true to the original intention. Since there are endless translated versions for every sentence, I had to trust my instincts and process in the end. And of course, rely on the support of the reviewers to fill in the gaps I may have missed. I also found that the translator’s note can help explain certain decisions I made in the translation, which the readers might appreciate. All in all, translating a poetic piece requires some immersion into the author’s world. Visualizing the scenes was extremely helpful and unexpectedly exciting. Though it comes with hardships, translating prose that’s also poetic in its diction made me feel at home. It felt as if I was composing my own piece. Perhaps I found myself through the eyes of the narrator. Seeing what he was seeing and feeling what he was feeling, I understood him. I understood the piece.
This experience also made me realize that translation is a valuable tool to share wonderful messages that come from different cultural mindsets, different pearls of wisdom, and different realities. Yet, the message is universally relatable. This particular piece carries such a strong message, and I hope to communicate it well to Indonesian readers. In a world where bigger is considered better, this piece reminds us of the small things that bring us joy. I hope to articulate such appreciation of life, such gratitude for the small moments that may have been taken for granted. At times, we associate happiness with either changing the past or chasing the future. By reading this piece, I hope we are reminded that happiness is already in front of us, if only we know where to look.
About the Translator
Asri Nurul Qodri is from Indonesia and has been teaching English since 2004. She worked in Kyiv, Ukraine until 2015 and went to Ohio University to attain a Master's degree in Applied Linguistics, where she taught at the Ohio Program of Intensive English (OPIE). Asri has also worked in English-Indonesian translations and vice versa. A few major projects are an English play written by Ray Harding (Charles Sturt University), a series of Indonesian comic books called Baratayuda, and a novel called Siri by Asmayani Kusrini. She is currently pursuing a Ph.D. in Linguistics and Applied Linguistics at Arizona State University. (updated 2022)
Translations
"When You Are Old and I Am Gray” by Eric Schlich (Indonesian)
With grateful acknowledgment to Indonesian language reviewers: Iqbal Azhar & Dina Mardiana