Growing up, I only spoke English in my midwestern home. My brother was studying Spanish for his high school foreign language requirement, and I took interest. In my freshman year of college, I refused to study a new language because I struggled with my AP Spanish classes in high school. I understood the basics about culture, values, and what night life was like in the major South American cities from powerpoints and study abroad stories from my teachers, but I felt lost with what I could do with the language I was drawn to. I stuck to writing academic essays in English and reading classic literature, but I was always questioning if I was missing out on something because I had another world that I would immerse myself in for at least forty-eight minutes a day, five days a week. That world was Spanish, and I wanted more than powerpoints and stories. I felt as though I only had the classroom to hold on to, yet an entire realm of language and understanding was right in front of me. I just needed to wait a little longer to experience something of my own this time.
In my sophomore year of college, I began studying Spanish again, and I became more familiar with songs, movies, and modern literature. I read poems, novels, and listened to podcasts. I became aware of what was happening and how I applied my language in environments that I knew would be used in my life more prominently. I had a newfound appreciation for the freedom in expressing my interest in certain topics, and also having the opportunity to be listened to in my language classes.
When beginning Thousand Languages, I felt like this was something I was not ready for. I was thinking my Spanish skills were still being developed, and I just wanted to make a great first impression. I just needed to take a deep breath and walk through the door for our first meeting, and then I could make a decision from there on what I wanted to do. So I had met Dr. Balderrama for the first time, and I immediately felt comfortable with what I brought to the table and that I am meant to learn. And so I did.
Reading through previous Hayden’s Ferry Review issues, I was overwhelmed at first. I had a mission of choosing two pieces that stood out to me, and the truth is that I scrolled to the table of contents on an issue that I enjoyed the cover art of, closed my eyes, and chose a piece by random. As it turned out, I loved both of them!
When starting the translation for “I Am Getting Comfortable With My Grief” by Ander Monson, there are straightforward translations, but there are also ones that make me consult Google and still question if this was the right choice. Through email correspondence with the author, Ander had mentioned that grief, referred to as “it” in the opening of the poem, is not intentionally gendered. I struggled with how I was going to gender in the Spanish language. I could have used gender neutral Spanish like elle when describing the bully or the dog, but my reviewers and I thought it would be a new approach to have this piece be addressed as “I,” meaning the person experiencing this grief of losing someone or something, while sharing their point of view. In Spanish, speakers conjugate their adjective with their gender. For example, a masculine-identifying speaker would end these adjectives with ‘o’ when describing themselves. On the other hand, feminine-identifying speakers would end their self-describing adjectives with ‘a’ to best correspond with the language. The speaker never reveals who they are, creating an ominous yet relatable sense of emotional understanding. Creating an equal understanding of grief and on a level that is something anyone can experience.
There was vocabulary scattered throughout that I had no clue what it was in English and Google translate, Linguee, and Word Reference had asked me “are you sure?” Once I found a generalized term, I felt like that was a great placeholder before asking my reviewers what was to come next. One suggested searching back the word through Google Images and searching through the results until I found an image that looked familiar to me, and that was the one. Something that I needed to do was research other countries that had different climates to best represent the detailed descriptions of snow and ice throughout the piece. This happened a few times, and I kept reminding myself that this is learning, this is a difficult skill you had chosen to do.
For my second translation, I chose a poem titled “Young Mother” by Sandy Fontana. I just want to say that she is the best at responding to emails and questions, and I want to thank her for being patient with me as well. This poem featured symbolism, difficult line breaks, and self-reflection. The speaker of the poem is a young mother giving birth for the first time, but she compares the new infant to her mother, an older woman. The one characteristic the mother focuses on is the peach fuzz on the faces of her child and her mother, and how the similarity is too close to home. This poem looks back on the outcomes of life, death, old, and young.
Line breaks in poetry contribute to the author’s unique style. In this poem, sentences are broken in the middle to fit the short, two-lined stanzas, and this caused me to think heavily on what Spanish words I would break on. I thought hard about the adjectives and nouns, and I almost lost track of the central themes: grief and life. Much of this poem had resulted in a direct translation. However, there were many conversations revolving around the gender of the baby, and whether I should write niña or niño. Eventually I decided on ‘niño, and moved to the next challenge.
Towards the end of the poem, Fontana writes about the child and compares them to “milkweed,” a flower that is medicinal, life-saving, and known for its symbolism of dignity and remembrance. But would this be something that I would have to change to fit in with Spanish culture? I researched and questioned and researched some more, and it led me to its comparison to monarch butterflies. Butterflies are an important symbol, in/according to the traditions behind Day of the Dead (el día de los muertos), for human transformation—in connecting souls of past and present lives. In this poem, the baby reminds the mother of her mother, as if the grandmother has reincarnated and continues living in her daughter’s life through her new baby. The past soul of her grandmother is reaching through her new baby as if to continue their journey together as mother and daughter while beginning her new and frightful journey into motherhood.
I’ve been working on my Spanish for almost ten years, and I’m still learning. Translation work with the Thousand Languages Project has placed me in a new learning environment that I had no clue was as vast and individual as it was. I have not worked in modern poetry and prose in Spanish before this opportunity, and having the exposure at my own pace is a memory and experience that I will take with me in the future. Not only will I have the knowledge of culture, values, and nightlife, I also have added to my toolbox another skill for the future. Thank you to Dr. Jackie Balderrama, my reviewers, and fellow interns for teaching me about your pieces, being beyond friendly and kind, and for the patience and time throughout the semester. You can do anything after you ask that daunting question of “what does this mean?”
About the Translator
JP Hanson (they/them) is an undergraduate student at Arizona State University majoring in English while pursuing a double minor in Spanish and Media Analysis. Their midwestern background in Chicago, Illinois has sparked their curiosity for learning the Spanish language and translation. After graduation, JP plans on continuing their studies in Women and Gender Studies to become a professor in Rhetorical Feminist Theory. They think you can do absolutely anything. (updated 2023)
Translations
“I Am Getting Comfortable With My Grief” by Ander Monson (Spanish)
“Young Mother” by Sandy Fontana (Spanish)
With grateful acknowledgment to Spanish language reviewers: Belén Agustina Sánchez & Laura Dicochea