When You Are Old and I Am Gray

Eric Schlich

The kitchen windowsill is lined with prescription bottles. I count out your pills and set them on the counter. Pour you a glass of orange juice. Put the coffee on. I can hear you in the bathroom, performing your daily beauty chores. Faucet running, dryer blowing, the clatter of makeup in the sink. On the table, there are the tulips from our anniversary. Already, their heads are too heavy for their stems. You once told me they are the loveliest of flowers to watch die. Long ago, a tulip was just a tulip. This is so long ago, it is a time I can barely remember, a time before you. Before your love for this flower spilled over into my life. This is how something simple, something in this world, something that just is, takes on meaning. I know many facts about tulips, but I will not recite them now. I can feel them elbowing each other, grasping for purchase in my head—competition for a metaphor—but really all that matters is you love this flower and I love you. Always I thought I’d keep books for company. While that is still true—they cover our mantel, they clutter our bedroom, they fill the walls, our books—it became, somehow, a lesser truth. And I am happy for it. You are making your way down the hall now, I can hear you. You will make a fuss about taking the pills, as you do every morning. You will shake your head in that way when you drink the juice. And you will sit at the table, where I will be drinking my coffee, eating my banana, reading my book. If there were a signature pose, a moment I’m most myself, it is this one: reading, but not reading, anticipating your entrance into the room, looking up from the page too soon. It is not so much that we have spent our lives in this way—our time together cannot be weighed in the currency of bananas or books or even tulips—but that after all these years, it still brings me pleasure, your comment upon entering the kitchen, on how lovely they look, there, on the table, dying over the lip of the vase: the tulips, their sloping grace.

你我沐黄昏

Zhongxing Zeng

Translator's Note

厨房的窗台上摆着一排处方药的药瓶。我数好你的药片把它们放在柜台上。给你倒一杯橙汁。打开咖啡机。我能听见你在洗手间开始了日常的梳妆。水龙头流着水,吹风机吹着风,洗手池里的化妆品叮当作响。桌子上的郁金香是我们周年纪念日的饰物。花儿们的枝干已无力支撑起沉重的头。你曾告诉我百花凋零之景中数它们可爱至极。很久以前,郁金香只是郁金香而已。时光如此遥远,游离记忆之外,你还未曾出现。在你的郁金香之爱洒入我的生命之前。这便是简单之事,世上之物,原本之貌,变得意义非凡的方式。我知道许多郁金香的事实,但此刻不想逐一赘述。我可以感觉到它们互相推挤,在我脑中抢占位置——争夺一个隐喻——可真正重要的是你爱这花而我爱你。一直以为我会与书籍形影不离。事实的确如此——壁炉架上,卧室里,墙上,满目皆是我们的书——可这爱书之心似乎不再那么真切了。我因此而欣慰。你正从走廊里过来,我能听见你。你会为吃药而发点牢骚,作为每日早晨的惯例。喝果汁的时候,你会那样摇摇头。你会坐在桌子旁,我也会坐在那儿,喝咖啡,吃香蕉,读读书。如果说有一个标志性的姿势,一个最自在的时刻,那便是如此:在读书,又没在读书,期待着你走进房间,等不及地抬眼望去。与其说,我们的人生已如此度过——我们相伴的光阴不能用香蕉、书籍、甚或郁金香的价值来衡量——不如说,多年之后,这一切仍让我欢喜,你进厨房时的话语,说着它们甚是可爱,在那儿,在桌子上,慢慢凋谢于花瓶的边沿:郁金香,它们优雅的曲线。

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